Heart Breaking and Healing
by Twilight4886
Summary: A song-fic about Alanna and Jon after the fight in the desert. A/J UPDATE:It has been such a long time since I have done anything in terms of updating or posting stories. I have decided to revise it a bit.


UPDATE: WOW

UPDATE: WOW! It has been such a long time since I have done anything in terms of updating or posting stories. I wrote this back in high school and I had always planned on continuing it, but looking at it now I have decided to revise it a bit and attempt to update more on it. So here it is revised!

Disclaimer: All characters are property of the wonderful Tamora Pierce. Any songs used will be credited to the rightful songwriter/singer. Hope you enjoy the revision of my Alanna/Jon songfic.

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CHAPTER ONE: BORN TO MAKE YOU HAPPY

Outside the presence of Spring was descending upon the kingdom of Tortall with her offerings of rain. The spring rain held the promise of the end of the hot and weary summer. For many Tortallans, the rain, coming down with its methodical pitter-patter, embodied the hope for their newly planted crops to spring to life and for new life to be born. For one Tortallan, however, the rain was a merely a manifestation of the lament that mingled with his own tears of sorrow. It had been two weeks now since Jonathan, the prince of Tortall, had returned from the Southern Desert, and with him returned a broken heart that had not yet mended. Jon was sitting alone with his knees held tightly to his chest on the window seat in his room. He gently reached out his hand and touched the cold window pane. The rain hit the palace windows and slowly rolled down the pane as a tear rolls down a cheek. He silently mused to himself as to how similar his own reflection must look as a hot tear slide down his cheek. He hastily withdrew his hand from the window and wiped the tear away. Jon continued to stare out into the empty bleakness thinking about Alanna and how much he had regretted storming off and leaving her out in the desert. "I'm so stupid" Jon muttered into his hands. He kept replaying the events of his stay with the Bloody Hawk tribe and the cause of his frustrated tears. The fight he had had with Alanna, the way he had walked out on everything that he held dear to him, and the sound of Alanna crying. If only he hadn't let his pride in the way. It was the only thing that kept them apart. Jon felt another trickle of water making its way down his face. He closed his eye willing the tears to come. He imaged Alanna and the pain he had caused her.

_**I'm sitting here alone up in my room, And thinking about the times that we've been through, (oh my love), I'm looking at a picture in my head, Trying my best to understand, I really wanna know what we did wrong, With the love that felt so strong, If only you were here tonight, I know that we could make it right.** _

Night began to set across the sky as the sun gradually made its way down under the thickness of the gray clouds that had covered it all day. Thinking back to the fight, Jon still couldn't come to terms with some of the things he said and done when he had lashed out on Alanna. "When did I ever take her for granted?" he groaned in frustration. "What have I done? I should have honored her wish to give her more time. I can't believe I behaved like a total dolt." Jon halfheartedly got up from the velvet seat cushion and sauntered over to his oak wood desk. Once there, he reached down and opened the top drawer. Inside the drawer was a small wooden box with a silky violet ribbon tied to keep the box closed. Jon withdrew the box and closed the drawer. He slowly returned to the window seat and began to untie the ribbon from around the box. He tenderly placed the ribbon in his lap and lifted the off the top of the box. Jon gazed at the precious object inside the box that lay on a lavender cushion; inside was a simple delicate silver ring with a princess-cut diamond set into it. Jon turned the ring over in his finger and read the inscription engraved at the inner surface. "I was born to make you happy. Love, Jon". A soft sigh escaped his lips as he stared back out into the pouring rain.

_**I don't know how to live without your love, I was born to make you happy, 'Cause your the only one within my heart, I was born to make you happy, Always and forever you and me, That's the way our life should be, I don't know how to live without your love, I was born to make you happy. **_

The next morning Jon awoke to the brilliant rays of light glaring in his eyes. He woke up to discover that he had fallen asleep by the window. As he unwillingly got up and began to stretch his arms above his head, Jon felt something in his right hand. He cautiously opened it only to find the ring from the night before still in his hand. It was the ring he was hoping to give Alanna as an engagement ring. A soreness in his heart began to fill Jon once more. Then abruptly he thought of an idea. As quick as lightening, he dashed to his bedroom dresser and opened a small drawer where he kept his royal trinkets and rummaged around until he found a sliver necklace-chain. Jon undid the clasp on the chain and slid the ring onto it. Then Jon fixed the chain around his neck and held it briefly clutched in his hand before letting it fall to rest on his chest. With the rain from the previous day now gone, sun shone brightly through the window to illuminate the dark corners of Jon's room. The rays also seemed to brighten the darkest corners of Jon's heart if only by having a small symbol of his love for Alanna closer to his heart. He let out a heavy sigh and reluctantly headed off to take a bath and get ready to face a new day.

As he was slipping on a fresh tunic there was a knock at his door. "Come in" Jon said as he hurriedly finished grooming his messy ebony hair in front of his mirror. Jon arched his neck to see who it was who had come to call so early, when in walked Princess Josiane in a dress of rose-petal pink and with a neckline that was a bit more than protocol called for. Jon turned back to the mirror and scowled, but quickly put up a façade and smiled at the visiting princess as she entered his bedroom quarters. This was not the first time he regretted his involvement with the Princess from the Copper Isles.

"I was worried about you last night Jonathan" said Josiane sweetly and proceeded to gracefully walk toward Jon.

"I'm sorry to have worried you, my lady" replied Jon with an artificial sweetness he had come to learn when speaking to such ladies of the court. Josiane slithered up behind Jon and place her milky-white hand on his shoulder as she attempted to try to divert his attention from his fixed gaze of his own reflection. How could he have thought that Alanna could be replaced by some "beauty"? Jon realized that he not only wanted Alanna in his life, but he needed her in his life. He needed the feel her hair running through his fingers and the sweet gentle taste of her lips on his. He gingerly reached up and felt the ring he had placed on the chain under his tunic.

_**I know I've been a fool since you've been gone, I'd rather give it up then carry on, (oh my love), 'Cause livin' in a dream of you and me, Is not the way my life should be, I don't wanna cry a tear for you, So forgive me if I do, If only you were here tonight, I know that we could make it right. **_

The day had passed by slowly and thoughts of Alanna ran through Jon's mind. He wondered if she too thought of him as he thought of her, if he consumed her every thought. He wanted to set things right between them, but didn't know how to or what to say to convince her of his love and admiration for her. Finally night had arrived and Jon seated himself on the ground preparing for his time as the Voice of the Tribes. He was desperatly hoping to talk to Coram that night and see how Alanna was fairing.

During his time as the Voice, Jon had talked to numerous members of the different tribes and many form the Bloody Hawk who had told him that Alanna had rarely come out of the tent that she resided in as the Bazhir Shaman. Fada, the tribe's healer, had informed Jon that her health was declining with the passing of each day and that she seldom ate anything.

After again talking with Fada, Jon ended his time as the Voice and sat there thinking. How could she allow herself wither away like that? Jon was becoming deeply concerned for Alanna's health. It hurt him to know that he was the cause of her pain and decreasing health. Jon thought that perhaps he would return to the desert and see her and apologize to her and beg for her forgiveness. "Gods Alanna, I love you" whispered Jon into the emptiness of his room.

_**I don't know how to live without your love, I was born to make you happy, 'Cause your the only one within my heart, I was born to make you happy, Always and forever you and me, That's the way our life should be, I don't know how to live without your love, I was born to make you happy.** _

That night Jon hastily packed a bag of clothes and saddled Darkness. Before he left he had told Myles and asked him to inform his parents of his need for time to be alone. As Jon galloped through the gates he thought of what he should say to Alanna when he got there. How would she react? Would she want him back after all that had passed between them? Did she still love him?

_**I'd do anything, I'd give you my world, I'd wait forever to be your guy, Just call out my name, (Just call out my name), I will be there, (And I will be there,) Just to show you how much I care. **_

_**I don't know how to live without your love, I was born to make you happy, 'Cause your the only one within my heart, I was born to make you happy, Always and forever you and me, That's the way our life should be, I don't know how to live without your love, I was born to make you happy. **_

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Please submit your reviews. Tell me if you like the revision. I will post the next chapter within a few days from now.


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